Just Because You’re Black, Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Be a Bigot

We’ve reached the Promised Land, people! Black church leaders are now just as bigoted and bat shit crazy as white church leaders! Ahhhh, equality at last.

Let me tell you a little something about me. From time to time, I read conservative columnists or listen to Christian radio – just to keep tabs on the enemy. My favorite bit of Christian Crazy comes from a woman named Maggie Gallagher. She is the President of the National Organization for Marriage and co-authored the book “The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier Healthier and Better Off Financially”. By the way, this book has been ripped apart by Dr. Bella DePaulo, author of “Singled Out.” Dr. DePaulo basically debunks all the “research” quoted by Ms. Gallagher and makes the hilarious and quite adept analogy that if marriage was a drug, the FDA would not approve it.

Anyway, in Ms. Gallagher’s latest column, she discusses the gay marriage issue in the District of Columbia. There was an anti-gay marriage rally in DC last Sunday. In a speech given at the event, a minister recalled a visit that he and other clergy representing black churches paid to D.C. Council Chairman Vincent Gray, who is black. Mr. Gray is in favor of expanding marriage rights to gay couples. One minister asked about the fate of the councilman’s soul. The clergymen were all shocked when he responded that the fate of his soul was irrelevant to the issue of whether gays should have the right to marry.

Apparently, the black churches have their panties in a collective wad because a black politician is doing the unthinkable: granting homosexuals equal rights.

Black church leaders and the Democratic Party both have a political problem. You see, black clergy support the Democratic Party overwhelmingly in national, statewide, and local elections, but the party has a progressive wing that is very energized now and wants Democrats to get off their collective asses and grant gays the right to marry, or at the very least refrain from open hostility towards the idea. Black Christians in the U.S. are primarily of the Protestant variety -  many sit firmly in the Pentecostal or Evangelical camp. These are biblical literalists, folks – people who see the King James Bible as the absolute, infallible and unequivocal word of God and they are staring down black socially liberal Democrats and pointing to that passage in Leviticus.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that this will be a big problem in the congressional elections in the near future. Historically, as my husband’s Aunt Glenda always says, black people are the smartest voters in the nation. We vote in our own economic best interests most of the time…that’s more that I can say for white Christian voters. However, it doesn’t take much to change the game. If the Republicans can peel  about 15% of the black vote away from the Democrats, there could be trouble – and these “Values” wedge issues, like gay marriage, have shown to be a very effective way to do that. What put Proposition 8 over the top in California was the black Christian vote. According to a Los Angeles Times poll, 70% of black voters supported Prop 8. Imagine that you live in an area where there are enough black Christian voters whose pastors have told them that gay marriage is wrong. There is a close election. If you get enough black Christians to the polls, that could lead to that state’s electoral votes going for the Republican candidate in a presidential election. That is exactly what happened in Ohio in 2004.

The Promised Land. The place where we have the right to be just as stupid as white people.

Embarrassing Black Celebrities: Sherri Shephard Edition

Sigh. What can I say about her. As some of you may know, Sherri is a co-host of ABC’s The View, a daytime talk show where 5 women dressed in designer clothes sit at a table with coffee mugs and discuss what’s going on in the world. Most of the stories are ridiculous tabloid trash (yesterday for example, they discussed Ivanka Trump’s wedding), but occasionally they discuss serious news items. Anyone who has watched this program in the last year is well aware that Sherri Shephard is quite possibly the dumbest co-host in the history of television. Let me count the ways.

The woman had never voted until 2008 and didn’t even “know the dates” of the elections. She was totally unaware that civilization, religion, philosophy and culture existed prior to the birth of Jesus Christ. Sherri was uncertain as to the shape of planet earth. She also has really fucked up views about clothing and gender and is apparently one of the many bigoted anti-gay black Christians who do not want to “redefine marriage.”

If you watch “The View” you are well aware of the Sherri Shephard situation. Once when the gang was interviewing Bill Maher while he was promoting his film Religulous, she asked him why he had not turned his questions about faith to God to see what He had to say. Um, Sherri…honey: People who are atheists and agnostics don’t speak to God. Why? Because they believe he is a figment of your imagination and don’t care to go through life with an imaginary friend. Unfortunately, there was no time for Bill to respond to this insanity because the segment ended abruptly.

Let me say this: she seems like a nice person and she is a very funny comedienne when you give her some good writing. But I find it difficult to respect a person who has uttered that many bigoted, or just down right dumb, statements on national television. I just can’t do it.

She’s embarrassing.

Barely Black Series: Embarrassing Black Celebrities

In the coming days I will begin a very special series: Embarrassing Black Celebrities. In this series I will highlight one person in politics or entertainment that makes you want to hide your face behind your glass of chardonnay and change the subject every time their name is mentioned at parties.

Stay tuned.

It’s OK, Steve Harvey, I Think You’re An Idiot, Too

As some of you may know, Steve Harvey is a comedian. He is also the author of a book entitled “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment.” Oy vey. How tired am I of these bullshit relationship books…

Mr. Harvey was interviewed on CNN by Joy Behar (lover her!) while she was filling in for Larry King. According to our pal, Steve, when you meet an atheist, you should walk away. No, wait–you should run! No, no, nevermind…first your should tie them up and throw them in the river and if they sink it means they are not a witch! Although I suspect that when most atheists encounter idiots like him, they usually walk away first.

This is a prime example of why religion is the worst thing to happen to black people since slavery.

By the way, he seems like a bit of a sexist, too.

BeBe on the DL?

I was raised Catholic, so I know absolutely nothing about gospel music. My experience of church music is Handel’s Messiah and solemn Christmas songs that are sung at midnight mass – “Lo How a Rose Er Blooming”, “O Come Emmanuel”, etc… very Catholic. But from time to time I watch the Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN).  I started watching Christian TV and listening to Christian radio so that I could figure out what the fuck was going down in this country with the Christian Right. There is another reason I absorb Christian media. It’s for the same reason that I watch Comedy Central: for a good laugh. I am currently working on a chapter on religion for my book, so when I saw black people on TBN the other day, I decided to check it out.

BeBe & CeCe Winans are a brother and sister musical duo that are enormously popular. They are the “Donny & Marie” of the gospel world, apparently. TBN broadcast a program where they interviewed their mother, Delores, a talented singer in her own right. They discussed their family history, their relationship with God and the Church, and told amusing family stories. About five minutes into this program, I noticed something. I began to watch BeBe very closely…the way he spoke…the way he gestured…the way he sat with his legs crossed…and fuck me runnin’, but I think that dude is gay as a Gershwin tune!

It made me think back to a few years ago when the news story broke about black men “on the down low.” For those of you who were living under a rock in 2004 and missed this story, it went a little something like this: There are black men in America who describe themselves as “straight”, but who secretly have sex with men. Film at eleven. Hello??!! Um…Luther Vandross?? Little Richard???…although I don’t think there is anything “secret” about Little Richard’s sexuality. A man named J.L. King wrote a book about this “phenomenon” entitled “On the Down Low”. He claimed in his book that the best pick-up place for secret sex with a “straight” guy was: CHURCH. I asked my father once about homosexuality and the black church and he told me that the church that he attended with is family when he grew up had a gay choir director and many other gay parishioners. It was obvious – but no one talked about it.

Now, I don’t really know if BeBe Winans is gay. I haven’t a clue. It is possible that I have lived in Virginia for far too long and my Gaydar is off a bit. But the point is this: the black church is one of the most homophobic communities in America and I think it is really funny that there are so many, well-respected members that are clearly homosexual (or at least bisexual) and are leading double lives. But the entire parish just ignores it. There is a gigantic pink elephant in the room and everyone just praises Jesus every Sunday like nothing’s going on. More importantly, this situation is dangerous for the black community as well. Why? Because secret gay sex among homophobes is rarely done safely. These men assume that they are the only guy their lovers hook up with, don’t use condoms and wind up bringing sexually transmitted diseases home to their wives.

As a white black girl who is not religious, I find this situation to be fascinating and hilarious…but scary as shit. People really need to be honest about who they are and what they do (and who they do it with), because going clipity-clop down the road like a horse with blinders on is risking the lives of a lot of good people.

Saving Black Marriages

James and Tina are an upper middle class couple living somewhere in suburban America. They have two daughters. Their children do well in school, and they are attractive and articulate. But James and Tina have a problem.  They have spent 20 years putting all their time and energy into their children and have completely neglected their marriage. With the realization that their daughters will go off to college soon and they will then be stuck in their two story colonial all alone, one day they both looked at each other and came to the same conclusion: They are complete strangers who have no idea who the fuck they are. This story is par for the course in many marriages, but there is one problem. This couple was interviewed by Soledad O’Brien for CNN’s special “Black in America 2″ , which begs the question: How is this a black problem?

Child-rearing is in vogue. It’s the fashionable thing to do. But, there is a certain kind of child-rearing that occurs among the yuppie uber-classes. It is an obsessive compulsive type of parenthood. To get the title of “good parent” you don’t just have to make sure that your kid can read and lives long enough to graduate high school. Oh, no! You have to devote every waking moment of your life to them. Men and women (mostly women) all over the country have sacrificed themselves on the altar of parenthood at the expense of everything else in their lives. James and Tina freely admitted that they have made their children the focus of their lives. My first question was: “Why are you not totally embarrassed to admit that?!” And my second question was: “Why are you surprised that your marriage is fucked up?” Let me explain something to you, folks. When you make someone the complete and total focus of your life, and that someone then goes off to Brown or Stanford and gets a life of their own, most people find themselves sitting in their living room with their thumb up their ass saying “Well, shit what the fuck do I do now?” or “Who the fuck is this guy I married?”

This is a married couples’ problem, not a black problem. What is it about being black that makes the whole Empty Nest/Married Midlife Crisis syndrome any worse? I don’t get it. I understand the special consideration of race when it comes to things like workplace discrimination and voting rights, but this is a married couple living in the burbs…sorry, Soledad, I like you a lot, but you and CNN are totally full of shit on this one.

The Idea

When I was in high school, I had a friend named Teri. One day I was hanging out at her house with some other friends when she made a curious remark: “You know, I never really thought of you as black. You’re…you know…like me.” Teri is white. I am black…but not really.

The story of a life lived barely black will be told in my book of the same title. I will be previewing excerpts from the book over the next few months…